Title: Dear Ava
Author: Ilsa Madden-Mills
Release Date: February 3, 2020
★★★★
** Kindle Unlimited
The rich and popular Sharks rule at prestigious, ivy-covered Camden Prep. Once upon a time, I wanted to be part of their world--until they destroyed me.
The last thing I expected was an anonymous love letter from one of them.
Please. I hate every one of those rich jerks for what they did to me. The question is, which Shark is my secret admirer?
Knox, the scarred quarterback.
Dane, his twin brother.
Or Chance, the ex who dumped me. . .
Dear Ava,
Your eyes are the color of the Caribbean Sea.
Wait. That's stupid.
What I really mean is, you look at me and I feel something REAL.
It's been ten months since you were here, but I can't forget you.
I've missed seeing you walk down the hall.
I've missed you cheering at my football games.
I've missed the smell of your hair.
And then everything fell apart the night of the kegger.
Don't hate me because I'm a Shark.
I just want to make you mine.
Still.
This is a bit of a strange review for me because I feel like I loved everything about this book until the end... and because it's the end, it's what has really stuck with me. There is also one thing that I want to note on the beginning of the book, because though it didn't impact my enjoyment of the book, I really do feel like this book needed a trigger warning.
This book opens in the immediate aftermath of a sexual assault that the main character can't remember the details of. This scene is really well written and really impactful and I feel like, as someone who knows people in my life who have had a very similar experience, this could be incredibly triggering scene for someone to read and I'd really hate for someone to stumble into this and have to relive that trauma. Even though the assault itself didn't happen on the page, I think that this opening could be incredibly difficult for people who've been through similar experiences and I think we need to have expectations that authors will warn us, explicitly, if the content could be triggering for people who've been through this kind of trauma. Like I said, this scene was really well written and really drove home that confusion, pain and struggle in those moments, so it wasn't the inclusion of it that was a problem for me, it really was just the lack of warning.
Ultimately, I think this book moved really well and I do think that it was really character driven. For me, as a main character, I think Ava was incredibly well conceptualized and crafted. Something that I think really made me feel like she was authentic was that there was that push to be okay, the push to keep getting through because there was no other choice, but on the flipside the consequences of not being able to fully process and heal from her trauma on an emotional level. I liked the moments where you see those walls - not necessarily built from strength but from necessity - start to wobble as she tries to just put one foot in front of the other.
Knox was also a really well crafted character, though I did find him a little bit more difficult to connect with. I liked the way his behavior and choices, even when they weren't the right thing to do or likable, all really made sense for who his character was. He is definitely a scarred hero, really dug into things that he hasn't really dealt with and trapped by things he believes about himself that just aren't the whole picture.
For me, the pacing and relationship build of this book was really what made it stand out. I like that the author unraveled that history from Before throughout the book sort of more slowly, delving into the things that connected these characters and really gave a bigger context to why they each reacted to each other and were drawn to each other the way they were in the After. I think it really pushed the story at a pace that was engaging and enjoyable to read.
For me, where this book sort of fell apart was right at the end, where everything suddenly lost all of that beautiful pacing and just sort of... rushed to the finish line. I loved the banter and the flirtation and the emotion that came when the characters first came back together and I felt absolutely sure that we were going to have a really satisfying ending, but that just sort of fell away and suddenly it was Insta-family, happily ever after type of thing and I just... felt really let down. I felt like there was so much there that could have been explored, even in just a few extra chapters, with them figuring out who they had become and how they fit with the people they are now, if what was there in high school was still there. You know, for me, there were too many questions for two people who dated, let's be honest, really briefly in high school to just see each other again and be instantly All In. It just made them feel really immature to me and took away from the impact of their reunion. So. Yeah. I feel like that was a missed opportunity that really would have made this book amazing for me.
And then came the epilogues... Plural. I'll admit that the first epilogue was totally fine for me. It tied up some loose ends and gave a picture of where things went. But the second epilogue legitimately did ALL of the things that I absolutely hate and honestly it did kind of leave a sour taste in my mouth. It was basically your bang on, completely generic one size fits all Happily Ever Epilogue. I get it, so many people are into these epilogues and I'm probably in the minority, but I just don't see the point of them. They don't add to the story, they don't tie up loose ends, and they leave me with a bad taste in my mouth. Honestly, I hate them and I would skip them if I could... but sometimes there's a great epilogue that really does add something, so I have to read them. And then get angry about them.
So. This is a GREAT BOOK, but the end to the actual story was pretty rushed and underwhelming for me and then it committed one of my biggest pet peeves. So.... It's 4 stars for me because I really enjoyed it for the most part, but it could have been a 5 star that I'd really be raving about. Just wasn't.
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